Tough and Stupid is Out -- Smart and Healthy is In

In the few weeks I've had two interesting foot-in-mouth situations. Maybe over the course of time, and by that I mean the past fifty years...tough strong guys have been the winners in outcomes. Pointdexters and dweebs were always the frail weaklings.

The 'thick neck' could out swear you, push you down, and do it in such a robust manner that women would flock to their pythons as they hop into his muscle car, smoking you out as they peel out with their loud car.

Those days are obviously over. None the less, tough guys have turned into three categories of meat-headedness. You have the athletic 'brochachos' who think that being loud, somewhat in shape, and being a sports fan or ex-athlete automatically makes you tough.

Then you've got the pretty boys blinged out in rhine-stone Tshirts, ripped jeans, and gelled hair who workout so much and chug protein shakes that their muscles look as fake as their spray on tan.

Lastly you have the worst kind, just the plain old idiots who aren't educated enough to give you a witty verbal battle, but they'll throw their cigarette down and attempt to trade blows.

Moving from Luxembourg at 14 to a cookie cutter neighborhood where everybody sticks their nose in everyone else's business, where conservatism runs amok and open mindedness is shunned...I definitely experienced my fair share of cheap shots.

Kids are mean, and they learn these mean habits from their mean parents not exposing them to more in life. So I faced bullies, for my braces, accent, scrawny awkwardness...but for a long time I was picked on.

Growing up, getting through high school, experiencing a different lifestyle in college, working multiple jobs; I began to figure myself out a lot more.

I've developed a level of confidence that is unparalleled to most people's, and I contribute that to having strong work ethic, something not everyone our age understands or has.

So when I came across these two situations most recently in Boston (not counting the 'green pants fag' conflict) I couldn't help but grow a little bit annoyed; mainly because of the fact that I never want to use physical violence. I prefer verbalities because it reflects more on your behalf and shines your ego in a better light. We are way past the close minded days of when women were really turned on by haunchy taunchy machoness.

I prefer to call it douchebaggery.

This past Saturday night, I was at a local sports bar called Tavern at the Square; the best  joint in town. And a prime example of a modern day bully called me over, granted I was alone looking for my entourage in a crowded bar, wearing a shirt that said Hustler. I won't get into the details and depth of conversation, but he looked nice enough so I went over to see why he waved me over. It was to make a joke in front of his no doubt frat-boy friend and two girls they were with. Little did they know Joe was behind me, and Je's the bouncer at this restaurant. Joe is a half Arabian half American fella. A no nonsense sort of dude with a slick Massachusetts accent.

Long story short, these couple of pecker suckers ended up looking like the laughing stock of their party in front of their highly unimpressed women. We exchange words, I look him right in the eye, and by now he's just apologize because he doesn't want him and his elephant walking buddy to get them and their dates tossed out like a couple of bottom feeders. Joe told them, "just finish your drinks, then leave kindly so we can fill these seats with customers who aren't assholes." So my friends and I got to sit in their seats--sick!

-Thanks Joe.

Then most recently I was leaving a pub Sunset, (an A-crowd fun environment might I add) and I was trying to cross the street. With two heaps of snow on each side, only select areas are able to cross. And this cigarette smoking, inbred idiot slaps me on the chest and says, "you can't cross. Not ever." I said, "who are you, the gatekeeper?!" This guy was larger than me though, but again as I begin the battle of smarts, instantly he throws his butt down and looks at me ready to hit me without reason. This guy thought he was the man picking on smaller kids in life, and ten years later he's unchanged. A friend, Ryan, saw what was coming and quickly stepped to, chest out and in an instant the guy realized he was outmatched mentally and physically. He took his saggy ass torn jeans, and wet clothes as he continued to walk away a sorry sight.

So between growing up being picked on for a while for mundane reasons like braces and for being a bit different, to going to school in superficial Tampa, to now experience the new type of bullies in my mid-20s just makes me chuckle. I thought violence was over and done with post college.

I don't need to pick fights anymore, my words will speak much louder than my actions. So bullies of Generation Y, grow up please. Nobody should have to physically fight anymore unless in a dire situation.

Stop being that doucher and stop living in the past. Women like guys in touch with themselves, confident, and who can kick ass through logic and being clever.

It's cool to be smart. It's whack as hell being a 50s bully in the 21st Century.